and i'm realizing i have a hard time sharing my "feelings".
negative ones anyway.
i think it all started when my mom gave me some huge chat and pretty much said i wouldn't be in love until i lost a lot of weight.
that's probably true.
but no one needs to hear that, especially from their mother.
i know she had good intentions, but still, that's not ok.
my decision to come home was a quick one. that i don't think i thought through all the way.
i don't regret my decision, at all.
i just wish i would've thought through it a little more.
i have no job.
i'm not going to school.
i have very few friends,
and nothing to look forward to.
to be honest, it really really sucks.
not to mention the whole my parents don't live together thing, and the fact that my mom thinks i won't get married, throw that all together and its just like....ugh.
i literally sleep till 3 everyday and do nothing.
it really makes me feel so good about myself!!
(no.)
i did however buy a WAY cute shirt today at Target. yeah, it cost me 25 bucks. but it was worth every penny.
i've resorted to wearing leggings everyday, and this super cute maternity shirt.
(don't judge me until you try wearing one. its the most comfortable shirt ever.)
so this is my attempt to "share my feelings."
all i did was sound like a big whiner.
whomp whomp.
my life sucks.
but it really doesn't.
and i think that's why i hate "sharing my feelings" about stuff like that.
yeah, i have stuff to complain about, but who doesn't? other than my parents and my weight, what do i have to complain about?
i have a house, and a nice car, a phone, food, clothes, a shower, a bathroom, a t.v., my cat, my family and Loni.
what else can one person need?
i hate sounding ungrateful.
which, to me, is what i sound like.
so anyways, there's my little rant.
Girl, I know how ya feel. I ended up taking a break (aka dropping out of school) for a year after my first semester up here at utah state. (it was actually in the middle of the semester) Because it was hard and tore me apart to be up here in all honesty. And now I'm back up here and love it. The change of going to college is a BIG one and it brings a lot of stress and a lot of change. I hope you find peace as you take this semester off. Be ok with not doing anything and look at it as if you are giving yourself what you need. Take time to find out who you are and what you want in life. Take time to learn to truly love yourself-no matter what size you are..because from doing that (I've had A LOT of body issues) I can say a lot of peace comes. God created you in His own image. HE DID NOT MAKE ANY MISTAKES. You'll find love when you're supposed to. You need to love yourself first and then I think love will be quicker to find you. Sorry for my rant. But I just know how you are feeling and I know there's a light at the end. Stay close to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and do what you know is right and everything will work out just fine. From change comes great opportunities. Love you.. Text me if you wanna vent.
ReplyDeleteJenna, first off, I love you! I'm still sad that you're not up here, but I do know where to find you. :)
ReplyDeleteI whole heartedly agree with what Kenzi said! But also, keep being grateful! If anything has helped me be happy, it has been learning to be grateful. You've got your big things listed in here, but don't forget the little things. You'll realize more and more how much they mean to you.
I'll see you next weekend! :)